Our quick tips may help you to communicate more effectively with an autistic person, whether it’s your child, pupil, colleague or friend.  

Getting and keeping their attention  

• Always use their name at the beginning so that they know you are talking to them.
• Make sure they are paying attention before you ask a question or give an instruction. The signs that someone is paying attention will be different for different people.
• Use their hobbies and interests, or the activity they are currently doing, to engage them.  

Processing information 

An autistic person can find it difficult to filter out the less important information. If there is too much information, it can lead to ‘overload’, where no further information can be processed. To help: 

• say less and say it slowly
• use specific key words, repeating and stressing them
• pause between words and phrases to give the person time to process what you’ve said, and to give them a chance to think of a response
• don’t use too many questions
• use less non-verbal communication (eg eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, body language)
• use visual supports (eg symbols, timetables, Social Stories) if appropriate
• be aware of the environment (noisy/crowded) that you are in. Sensory differences may be affecting how much someone can process.  

Avoiding open-ended questions  

• Keep questions short
• Ask only the most necessary questions
• Structure your questions, eg you could offer options or choices
• Be specific. For example, ask “Did you enjoy your lunch?” and “Did you enjoy maths?” rather than “How was your day?”.  

Reactions to “no”   

• Try using a different word or symbol.
• Autistic people may be confused about why you said no. If it’s an activity that they can do later on that day or week, try showing this in a timetable.
• ‘No’ is often used when someone is putting themselves or others in danger. If it’s a safety issue, look at ways of explaining danger and safety.
• If you are saying ‘no’ because someone is behaving inappropriately, you may want to change your reaction to their behaviour. Try not to shout or give too much attention, a calm reaction may help to decrease this behaviour in time.
• Set clear boundaries and explain why and where it is acceptable and not acceptable to behave in certain ways.  

 Disrespect and backtalk

When your three-year-old daughter talks back to you, it may seem funny and adorable. But when your seven-year-old girl shouts out a ‘no’ every time you tell her to do something, it can get on your nerves. If not handled properly, backtalk can lead to arguments between parents and children.

So what do you do?

• Do not respond impulsively. Let the child calm down and then address what he or she said. Tell them calmly about what behavior is acceptable and what is not.

• Finally, take a quick check of how you behave with the kids or others when the kids are around. Are you rude or disrespectful? If yes, you need to start by changing your behavior.

Abusive language

Children scream and yell when they are angry. But if they start swearing even before they are all of ten years old, you should be worried. They may start yelling or using abusive language to bring you into an argument or simply to get their way. When your child uses offensive language and swears, here is what you should do.

• Make sure you are not using such language in front of kids.

• If your toddler is using such language, correct them immediately. Tell them it is a “bad word” and people do not like that word or kids who use that word.

Aggressive or violent behavior

It is okay for children to get angry. But if that anger becomes violent or turns into aggressive behavior in children it is a problem. Mood disorders, psychosis, conduct disorder, trauma, impulsiveness or frustration can cause aggression in young children. At times, your child may resort to violence for self-defense.

Aggression can also be a learned behavior. How is the environment at home? Or is the child learning to be violent, at school? If your child tends to react to a negative response by hitting, biting or kicking, this is what you should do.

• The easiest way to respond to aggression in children is to yell back at them. But if you do so, you end up teaching them the wrong things. Your kids look up to you to learn how to control their impulses and emotions. So rather than raising your voice, lower your tone and tell them to calm down.

• Reflect their feelings, empathize, but make it clear that hitting or kicking or biting is not allowed. You could say something like “I know you are angry. But we do not bite, hit or kick. No hitting!”

Bullying

Bullying is a serious problem and could result in emotional and physical abuse of the victim. Children tend to bully others to feel powerful. Also, bullying resolves their social problems easily. When dealing with feelings becomes difficult, kids tend to take on bullying to fix things. If you find that your child has been bullying others, you should act immediately.

• Start teaching your kids from an early age that bullying is wrong. More importantly, explain to them what or who a bully is and give them examples of what bullies do. For example, you can say, “A bully is someone who calls people names, or does mean things to them, or takes their property by force.”

• Set rules and standards in the house early on. Make a statement like “we do not bully in this house” or “You do not get away with such behavior in this house”.

Behavior problems in school

“I hate school!” Is that something you hear your five-year-old say every morning? Kids often give parents a hard time by refusing to go to school or complete homework assignments in time. Children could refuse to go to school for many reasons: bullying, academic issues, resistance to authority and rules, or anxiety of being separated from parents.

• Start by getting to the root of the issue. Find out why your child hates school or refuses to do his homework. You may want to help him with his homework if he has trouble with it.

• Your child may take time to perform academically and be okay with school. Understand that the change will not happen overnight.

• Offer incentives, not bribes, to encourage positive behavior. For example, you can say, “you have earned an ice cream tonight because you did your homework without any reminders”.
• Ask the child if they want you to talk to the teacher about a problem that they are facing. Let them feel and understand that you are available for them when they face a problem in school. Encourage them by asking what they like doing in the school. Help them with their homework, and make it more interesting.

Behavioral problems are not always simple enough to deal. You would have to seek a professional’s help in complicated cases.

When To Get Help

In case abnormal behaviors turn into something unmanageable at home, or if your child is making a mistake repeatedly, it is time for you to see a doctor. There could be a deeper reason for him to behave in a certain way.

The professional will look into the physical and mental health of the child before recommending medications, special therapy or counseling.

Children are routinely hit, at home and at school. After all, that is the most effective way to discipline them, isn’t it? So why would a parent physically hurt their child?

The reason is anxiety and helplessness — anxiety about their child’s performance and future, and helplessness at their inability to control it. Anxiety about how society will judge their child, anxiety of what will become of their child in the future, and probably above all, anxiety about how society will judge them as parents, if their child does not turn out ‘right’ or ‘perfect’. This also ends up being a conscious or unconscious outlet for their other anxieties, stresses, frustrations and failures. They feel angry with life and this is their way of expressing their anger. They may, knowingly or unknowingly, be expressing their anger onto their children, who feel powerless to respond. This may make the parents feel more in control of their actions, at a time when they feel helpless and out of control in the face of other situations.

They also believe that if they beat their child, the child will be scared of them, and will be able to focus on work, achieve something in life, and stay on track. In reality, children who are hit, learn to steer clear of their parents’ track, and do exactly what they want, just ensuring that their parents never come to know of it! The child feels motivated to do ’wrong’ behind the parents’ back. 

Some parents may argue that there is no better way (or other way) to discipline or bring up children. On the contrary, this is probably the least effective way. It teaches them that violence is okay. It teaches them that they don’t need to respect the feelings of others. It teaches them that they are not worthy of being liked or respected.

That disciplining must involve painful, punitive punishment for it to be effective is another common justification for hitting. On the contrary, this only results in feelings of hatred and dislike towards the offending parent. For disciplining to be effective, consequences must be known ahead of time, and there must be certainty of their being enforced a hundred per cent of the time.

So, there are several psychological and emotional fallouts from resorting to hitting as a way of parenting and instilling discipline. For one, the child lives in constant fear. And, more importantly, children learn that violence is an acceptable reaction to a trigger, and so start practicing it themselves. They act out in school — either by becoming bullies, because they also want to feel powerful at least somewhere, or by becoming subdued, scared and submissive, and become targets for others.  They may slowly stop communicating with their parents and hide their feelings and activities. 

So, parents, find a way to deal with your anxieties and the shortcomings of your past, whether that means practicing meditation, talking to a friend, or seeking the help of a counsellor. Take a minute to reflect on the time when you were at the receiving end of such behavior.

MYTH #1

Autistic people can’t communicate, or have major problems communicating. 

THE REALTY

Many people who have autism communicate very well, although certain aspects of communication do not come naturally to them. Some need alternative ways to communicate, such as pictograms, pointing, writing or typing words, etc. 

MYTH #2

All people with autism are aggressive. 

THE REALTY

Most autistic people are not aggressive. When they are, it is more likely to be caused by discomfort, inability to communicate or feeling scared, rather than a desire to hurt people. 

MYTH #3

Autistic people are super intelligent and only have one interest.

THE REALTY

One study found that 69% of autistic people had an IQ below 85 (the average IQ of a high school dropout). Only 3% of autistic people were found to have IQs above 115, even though 15% of the population should be at this level.

People with autism can have many interests. 

Do you often have arguments with your partner in front of your child? Are neighborhood brawls disturbing the peace and harmony at your home? Well, if you can relate to the above situations reading this post is a must! There have been discussion relating to environmental factors affecting child development.

Do you know a child’s learning and behavior also depends upon her immediate environment? Read on to know how the environment affects child development and how you can build a conducive environment that will help your child gain positivity and knowledge!

Environmental Factors Affecting Child Development:

What you teach your child will not restrict her overall development. The environment your child grows up in and things she sees around her will also influence her early learning. It could be the ambiance at home, at school, at daycare, in the neighborhood and any other areas where your child spends a considerable amount of time.

Here Are Environmental Factors That Affect Your Child’s Development:

Emotional Bond With Your Child:

One of the first and main environment, your child will experience is the one at home. Since her birth, the emotional environment she sees and feels around her will shape her personality. The bond your child shares with you will help her understand and learn how to express her love and fears.

Your Equation With Your Partner:

 

• The relationship you share with your spouse will affect your child’s developmental and emotional growth.

• Your spouse and you are the perhaps the two people who will be closest to your child. You will also be the first couple your child will ever know.

• How you interact with each other, and the love and respect you share as a couple will help your child learn about valuing another person.

• She will learn the importance of a strong connect and will learn how to respect others.

• A little display of affection is okay and required in front of your child. Small but important gestures like holding hands and hugging will show your child that these are natural ways to express love.

Overcrowded Living Spaces:

 

The environment at your home and the relationship with neighbors will also affect your child’s behavior.

If you live in an environment that is overcrowded or is too loud, it can negatively impact your child’s personality.

Too many members living in the same house can reduce the time you spend with your child, as you will be busy with others in the house. It could result in your child resorting to other ways of keeping busy, and distancing herself from you emotionally early in life.

Your child may also start to develop the willpower to block out loud noises and conversations. If your child is an introvert, she may retreat more into her shell.

Make sure you take out enough time to be with your child. If you cannot find the time and space at home, take her out for a walk or engage in some sports or activity that you two can enjoy together.

A Learning Environment:

 

You will be your child’s first teacher, so it is crucial you create an environment that stimulates and aids her skill development.

A positive and relaxed environment at home will help your child concentrate on studies and learn better.

You and your spouse should create opportunities that allow your child to explore, even within the home.

Always encourage your child to ask questions and look for solutions. It will help her gain more knowledge.

As a parent, you have the biggest responsibility of creating the right environment for your child as it will affect her personality, learning and behavior. Environment and child development are correlated. It is not possible to give your child a perfect setting, but you can surely give her the best you can. Make sure you keep the milieu at home happy, loving and positive. Spend quality time with your child and teach her values by example.

Keeping little ones busy can be a full-time job, so it’s always useful to have ideas on-hand for fun activities that you can do together. The best way for children to learn, no matter their abilities, is through play. Play is all about discovery — and having fun. Here are 10 stimulating activities that you can do indoors with your child. Be patient, listen and enjoy spending time and learning together! 

1. Take your children to the kitchen to help prepare food. Depending on what you’re doing and how interested your child is, you can let them help you or just give them their own plastic bowl and spoon to mimic your actions.
2. Take advantage of their artistic talents and let them colour or paint. There are brushes and drawing utensils that have big easy-to-grab shapes so that children who have little mobility can easily grab them! Finger painting is also a fun option.
3. Read books together in a comfortable position sitting or standing (depending on your child’s ability). You can also pull out family photo albums and point to familiar faces. Finding the best position, which can be done with a pillow or using an angled tray on a table, will help your child to feel more comfortable and encourage him to keep his head up. 
4. Make a tray of water or sand for your child to play with different textures. You can also add toys.
5. Play with dough, either clay or homemade. Use molds and have fun cutting and assembling shapes. Cookie cutters or large cups with large handles may be easier for your child to grasp.
6. Spend some quiet time playing with simple puzzles or making shape, colour, word or number cards. Using a flat, smooth surface such as a table or tray will make the activity easier.
7. Sing, dance and make noise with your child. Your little one can use any cooking pot and homemade instruments to keep rhythm with you.

Cyberbullying is bullying with the use of digital technologies. It can take place on social media, messaging platforms, gaming platforms and mobile phones. It is repeated behaviour, aimed at scaring, angering or shaming those who are targeted. Examples include:

• spreading lies about or posting embarrassing photos of someone on social media
• sending hurtful messages or threats via messaging platforms
• impersonating someone and sending mean messages to others on their behalf.

Cyberbullying can include:

• Sending/sharing nasty, hurtful or abusive messages or emails
• Humiliating others by posting/sharing embarrassing videos or images
• Spreading rumours or lies online
• Setting up fake online profiles
• Excluding others online
• Repeated harassment and threatening messages (cyberstalking)

What are the effects of cyberbullying?

When bullying happens online it can feel as if you’re being attacked everywhere, even inside your own home. It can seem like there’s no escape. The effects can last a long time and affect a person in many ways:

• Mentally — feeling upset, embarrassed, stupid, even angry feeling ashamed or losing interest in the things you love
• Physically — tired (loss of sleep), or experiencing symptoms like stomach aches and headaches

What makes cyberbullying so hurtful?

While any type of bullying can be hurtful, cyberbullying can hurt someone just as much as physical or verbal bullying because:

• It’s public – lots of people can see it
• It spreads quickly
• It can be hard to escape
• The bully can be anonymous
• Removing it can be a difficult process

Who should I talk to if someone is bullying me online?

If you think you’re being bullied, the first step is to seek help from someone you trust such as your parents, a close family member or another trusted adult.

In your school you can reach out to a counsellor, the sports coach or your favorite teacher.

And if you are not comfortable talking to someone you know, search for a helpline in your country to talk to a professional counsellor.

If you are in immediate danger, then you should contact the police or emergency services in your country.

Four things you can do to support your teen’s mental health

Show your teenager love and care, while looking after yourself.

Whether you and your teen are getting along well or having challenges, it is important to show that you love and support them, that you can help them navigate tough times and that you are always there for them.

Here are four things to keep in mind when having that ‘how-are-you-doing?’ conversation with your teen and to show that you are always there for them.

1. Encourage them to share their feelings

• Look for ways to check in with your teen. Ask them how their day has been and what they have been doing. It could be by inviting them to join you in a task, such as preparing dinner, so you can use the time to chat about their day.
• Remind them that you are there for them, no matter what, and that you want to hear how they are feeling and what they are thinking. A few simple words of encouragement can help them feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you.
• It is important to acknowledge and understand emotions they might be experiencing, even if it feels uncomfortable. When they open up to you, you can respond with “I understand”, “it sounds like a difficult situation” or “that makes sense”.
• It can be easy to notice the things your teen is doing that you do not like. But also try to notice and praise them for something they are doing well — even something simple like cleaning up after themselves.

2. Take the time to support them

• Work together on setting up new routines and achievable daily goals. You could fit in home chores around school work or set a target like getting homework done before dinner.
• Adolescence means independence! Try to give your teen the appropriate time and space to be on their own. Needing space is a normal part of growing up.
• Find a few ways you can support and encourage your teen to take breaks (from schoolwork, housework, or other activities they may be working on) to do things they enjoy. If your teen feels frustrated, work with them to brainstorm some solutions to problems. Try not to take over and tell them what to do.

3. Work through conflict together

 

• Remember: everyone gets stressed! Listen to your teen’s views and try to sort out conflict calmly. 

 

• Never discuss an issue while you are angry. Walk away, take a breath and calm down — you can talk with your teen about it later.

• Avoid power struggles. With the world feeling unpredictable and options looking limited right now, teens might be struggling to be in control. As difficult as it can be in the moment, empathize with their desire to assert control in a scary time, rather than attempting to fight back or overpower it.

• Be honest and transparent with your teen: you can let them know that you are experiencing extra stress as well. Showing them how you deal with your own difficult feelings can help them know their feelings are okay.

• When there is conflict, take some time to reflect on how you and your teen can resolve it. You can discuss these reflections with your teen, so they see how you are processing ideas.

4. Care for yourself

Caregivers have a lot to deal with. You also need care and support for yourself. Showing self-care is also a good way of modelling the practice to your teen.

 

• Don’t wait to ask others for help if you are feeling overwhelmed. It is normal and okay to feel this way. Find a family member or someone you can talk to.

• Make time for your own relationships. Try to find a few people that you can share feelings and experiences with. Set aside some time with them each day, to check in on how you are feeling.

• Make time in your day to do the things that help you cope with and manage stress. Whether your day is busy or slow, we know that making time to look after yourself is essential for your wellbeing. Doing the things you like or simply taking a few minutes off from your day can help you feel relaxed and re-energized.

• Try different positive coping strategies that work for you. Some ideas include: exercising, talking with friends, making to-do lists or planning ahead, maintaining routines and structures, reflecting on what you are grateful for or proud of, and doing things you enjoy like music, art, dancing and keeping a journal.

 

 

Talking and listening: why it’s good for children

When you make time to talk and listen with your child, they learn that what they think and say is important to you. This makes your relationship stronger and builds your child’s self-esteem and confidence.

Listening and talking together also helps your child learn social skills like listening to others.

What you need for talking and listening with children

You can talk and listen with your child anytime that you’re together.

Making time to talk regularly can be easier if you have a special place to be close or you make a special time to talk each day. For example, you might have a special chair, or you could sit and talk with your child after they get into bed each night.

How to do talking and listening activities with children

Think about a good time to talk regularly with your child. It might be when you’re walking home from school or preschool, when you’re having a cuddle in an armchair after dinner, or before you read bedtime stories with your child each night.

• Prompt your child to tell you how they feel about things – for example, ‘It sounds like you felt left out when Felix wanted to play with the other kids at lunch’. If you get something wrong, just ask your child to help you understand.
• Ask what they will do tomorrow, what they want to Eat tomorrow
• Encourage them and know that what they say is important to us.

Adapting talking and listening activities for children of different ages

Children can understand more and want to talk for longer as they get older.

Your young child might just want to talk about one or two things before getting bored.

Your older child might want to tell you about something specific from school or another part of their day. You can also encourage your older child to listen to you – for example, ‘Do you want to hear what I did today?’ But don’t force your child to listen if it looks like they’re losing interest.

Be aware that sometimes your child might want to talk for longer or shorter periods. For example, your child might not be talkative if they’re tired.

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The coronavirus disease (COVID-19) pandemic has upended family life around the world. School closures, working remote, physical distancing — it’s a lot to navigate for anyone, but especially for parents. We teamed up with the Parenting for Lifelong Health initiative to bring parents and caregivers a set of handy tips to help manage this new (temporary) normal.  

1. One-on-one time

Can’t go to work? Schools closed? Worried about money? It is normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed. 

School shutdown is also a chance to make better relationships with our children and teenagers. It makes children feel loved and secure, and shows them that they are important.

• Set aside time to spend with each child

It can be for just 20 minutes, or longer – it’s up to us. It can be at the same time each day  so children or teenagers can look forward to it.

• Ask your child what they would like to do

Choosing builds their self confidence. If they want to do something that isn’t OK with physical distancing, then this is a chance to talk with them about this.

• Read a book or look at pictures.
• Go for a walk – outdoors or around the home.
• Dance to music or sing songs!
• Do a chore together – make cleaning and cooking a game!
• Help with school work.
• Exercise together to their favorite music.

2. Keeping it positive

It‘s hard to feel positive when our kids or teenagers are driving us crazy. We often end up saying “Stop doing that!”. But children are much more likely to do what we ask if we give them positive instructions and lots of praise for what they do right.

• Say the behaviour you want to see Use positive words when telling your child what to do; like “Please put your clothes away” (instead of “Don’t make a mess”).

• Shouting at your child will just make you and them more stressed and angrier. Get your child’s attention by using their name. Speak in a calm voice.
• Try praising your child or teenager for something they have done well. They may not show it, but you’ll see them doing that good thing again. It will also reassure them that you notice and care.

3. Get structured 

COVID-19 has taken away our daily work, home and school routines. This is hard for children, teenagers and for you. Making new routines can help.

Create a flexible but consistent daily routine

• Make a schedule for you and your children that has time for structured activities as well as free time. This can help children feel more secure and better behaved.
• Children or teenagers can help plan the routine for the day – like making a school timetable. Children will follow this better if they help to make it.
• Include exercise in each day – this helps with stress and kids with lots of energy at home.
• Teach your child about keeping safe distances.

You are a model for your child’s behaviour

4. Bad behaviour

All children misbehave. It is normal when children are tired, hungry, afraid, or learning independence.

• Stop it before it starts! When they start to get restless, you can distract with something interesting or fun: “Come, let’s go outside for a walk!”

Use consequences

Consequences help teach our children responsibility for what they do. They also allow discipline that is controlled. This is more effective than hitting or shouting.

• Once the consequence is over, give your child a chance to do something good, and praise them for it.

One-on-One time, praise for being good, and consistent routines will reduce bad behaviour.

Give your children and teens simple jobs with responsibilities. Just make sure it is something they are able to do. And praise them when they do it!

5. Keep calm and manage stress

This is a stressful time. Take care of yourself, so you can support your children.

You are not alone

Millions of people have the same fears as us. Find someone who you can talk to about how you are feeling. Listen to them. Avoid social media that makes you feel panicked.

Take a break

We all need a break sometimes. When your children are asleep, do something fun or relaxing for yourself. Make a list of healthy activities that YOU like to do. You deserve it!

Listen to your kids

Be open and listen to your children. Your children will look to you for support and reassurance. Listen to your children when they share how they are feeling. Accept how they feel and give them comfort.

6. Talking about COVID-19

Be willing to talk. They will already have heard something. Silence and secrets do not protect our children. Honesty and openness do. Think about how much they will understand. You know them best.

Be honest

Always answer their questions truthfully. Think about how old your child is and how much they can understand.

Be supportive

Your child may be scared or confused. Give them space to share how they are feeling and let them know you are there for them.